Conversational Intelligence

About the Author

Judith E. Glaser is the CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., and the Chairman of The Creating WE Institute. She is the author of six books and an animated film on leadership. In 2004, she was awarded Business Woman of the Year in New York City, and since 2006, she has been listed as one of the Top 100 Thought Leaders globally on the subject of leadership.

Main Idea

The key to success in life and business is to master Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ). It's not about how smart you are but how open you are to learning new and effective conversational rituals that prime the brain for trust, partnership, and mutual success. Conversational Intelligence by Judith Glaser translates insights from neuroscience into practical tools that help people understand and apply effective conversation techniques in their everyday lives. Glaser emphasizes that the quality of our culture depends on the quality of our relationships, which in turn depends on the quality of our conversations.

Table of Contents

1. Introduction: Discovering a New Intelligence
2. Part I: Conversational Intelligence And Why We Need It
   • What We Can Learn From Our Worst Conversations
   • The Push and Pull of Conversations
   • Distrust Is the Road to Nowhere
3. Part II: Raising Your Conversational Intelligence
   • Challenges of Navigating the Conversational Highway
   • Bridging Our Reality Gaps
   • Priming for Level III Conversations
4. Part III: Getting to the Next Level of Greatness
   • Leading with Trust: Laying the Foundation for Level III Interactions
   • Teaming Up Through Conversational Intelligence
   • Changing the Game Through Conversational Intelligence

Introduction: Discovering a New Intelligence

Conversations are more than just exchanging information; they are dynamic, interactive, and inclusive processes that impact how we connect, engage, and influence others. Understanding the depth of conversations and mastering Conversational Intelligence allows individuals to shape reality, build trust, and achieve extraordinary results. Glaser explains that conversational skills propel individuals and organizations toward success, making it essential to develop higher levels of C-IQ.

Part I: Conversational Intelligence And Why We Need It

What We Can Learn From Our Worst Conversations

Conversations are multidimensional, involving what we think, say, mean, and how others perceive and feel about it. Often, conversations are treated as simple exchanges, but they are the threads that keep us connected. Human beings are wired to quickly assess where they stand with others, operating in protective or open modes based on these interactions. Understanding this dynamic helps us develop conversational skills that foster trust and collaboration.

• "Our brains lock down and we are no longer open to influence when we feel threatened" (Judith Glaser).
• "Trust is not just the absence of distrust; the two take place in different parts of the brain" (Judith Glaser).

The Push and Pull of Conversations

When we aim to win at all costs, the amygdala activates fight, flight, freeze, or appease responses, locking down our brains. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for trust and good judgment, is bypassed. Recognizing these triggers allows us to shift conversations from protective to collaborative modes.