Existential Kink

About the Author

Carolyn Elliott is an author, poet, playwright, and teacher with a unique voice in the world of self-development. Holding a Ph.D. in critical and cultural studies from the University of Pittsburgh, Elliott blends deep academic insight with an accessible and transformative approach to personal growth. Her work is deeply influenced by Jungian psychology, esoteric traditions, and a keen understanding of the human psyche. Carolyn Elliott is also known for her online courses, such as INFLUENCE, FORCE OF NATURE, and THRILL, which aim to help individuals harness the power of their unconscious minds to achieve profound life changes.

In addition to her academic achievements, Elliott’s personal journey and experiences deeply inform her writing. She has a remarkable ability to connect with readers by addressing the often-overlooked aspects of our psyche—those hidden desires and impulses that we are often too ashamed to acknowledge. Her work encourages a radical embrace of all facets of the self, making her a unique and powerful voice in contemporary self-help literature.

Main Idea

At the heart of Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink is a daring and transformative idea: the negative patterns and challenges we encounter in life are not merely random misfortunes or punishments from the universe, but rather the manifestations of our own unconscious desires. Elliott argues that by recognizing, embracing, and even taking pleasure in these hidden desires, we can dissolve their power over us and create space for more positive and fulfilling experiences.

This approach requires a deep dive into our unconscious minds, where these desires often reside, hidden from our conscious awareness. Elliott’s concept of “Existential Kink” involves embracing the darker, more taboo aspects of our psyche with a sense of curiosity and even pleasure. This practice, she suggests, can lead to profound personal transformation, as we become more integrated and whole beings, capable of manifesting the lives we truly desire.

Unconscious Desires

One of the most intriguing and challenging concepts Elliott introduces is the idea that the struggles we face in life are often driven by unconscious desires—desires that we may be unaware of because they conflict with our conscious beliefs or societal norms. These unconscious desires can manifest as self-sabotage, repeated negative patterns, or persistent challenges that seem beyond our control.

For example, someone might consciously aspire to financial success and stability. However, if they harbor an unconscious desire to remain dependent on others or enjoy the drama that financial instability brings, they may find themselves repeatedly sabotaging their own efforts to achieve financial security. This internal conflict between the conscious and unconscious creates a cycle of frustration and failure that persists until the unconscious desires are brought to light and addressed.

“The things your unconscious secretly craves will come to be in your life, seemingly from some force outside your control.” – Carolyn Elliott

Elliott’s approach to dealing with these unconscious desires is both radical and liberating. Instead of trying to suppress or ignore these desires, she advocates for exploring and embracing them. This process can be uncomfortable, as it requires us to confront aspects of ourselves that we might find shameful or disturbing. But Elliott insists that this discomfort is necessary for growth. By acknowledging and accepting these hidden desires, we can begin to break free from the negative patterns they create.

To better understand how unconscious desires manifest in our lives, consider the following examples: