Nonviolent Communication

About the Author

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., was a clinical psychologist, mediator, and educator, renowned for his groundbreaking work in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Born in 1934 in Canton, Ohio, Rosenberg’s early experiences with racial tension and violence in Detroit greatly influenced his life’s work. Witnessing the deep societal divisions and personal suffering caused by violence and misunderstanding, Rosenberg developed NVC as a tool for fostering empathy, compassion, and understanding in human relationships. His work was not just theoretical but deeply practical, aimed at helping people connect more meaningfully, resolve conflicts, and promote peace on a personal and global scale.

Rosenberg’s career spanned several decades, during which he worked with communities in conflict zones, educational institutions, and businesses, teaching NVC as a means to resolve disputes and build strong, cooperative relationships. His approach was deeply influenced by the humanistic psychology of Carl Rogers, who emphasized the importance of empathy in the therapeutic relationship. Rosenberg extended this idea, suggesting that empathy is crucial not just in therapy but in all human interactions. His work emphasized that by connecting with the universal human needs that underlie our actions, we can transform conflict and foster deep, authentic connections.

His book, “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” published in 1999, has become a seminal text in the fields of communication, conflict resolution, and personal development. Rosenberg continued to teach and spread the principles of NVC until his passing in 2015. His legacy lives on through the Center for Nonviolent Communication, which continues to promote his teachings worldwide.

Main Idea

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful process that seeks to transform how we interact with ourselves and others by fostering compassion and understanding. At its core, NVC is about communicating in a way that is free from judgments, blame, or criticism and instead focuses on identifying and expressing our feelings and needs while also empathically listening to the feelings and needs of others. Rosenberg believed that all human actions are attempts to meet universal human needs, and by understanding and addressing these needs, we can resolve conflicts peacefully and build more meaningful connections.

NVC is not just a set of communication techniques but a philosophy and a way of life. It challenges the conventional ways we often communicate—ways that Rosenberg described as “life-alienating communication,” which includes moralistic judgments, comparisons, and demands. These forms of communication disconnect us from our shared humanity and can lead to conflict and misunderstanding. In contrast, NVC emphasizes the importance of empathy, both for ourselves and others, as the foundation for creating a more compassionate and connected world.

Rosenberg’s vision for NVC was that it could be used in all aspects of life, from personal relationships and parenting to workplaces and international conflicts. By applying the principles of NVC, individuals can learn to communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts without resorting to aggression, and contribute to a more peaceful and just world.

Table of Contents

• Understanding Nonviolent Communication
• The Four Components of NVC
• Life-Alienating Communication: A Contrast
• Empathic Expression: The Heart of NVC
• Empathic Listening: Connecting Deeply with Others
• Resolving Conflicts with NVC
• Practical Applications of NVC
• The Role of Self-Compassion in NVC
• Conclusion: NVC as a Path to Peace

Understanding Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication is a method that goes beyond mere words. It is a process of reorienting our attention and our consciousness, away from habitual responses and towards a focus on our shared human experience. In everyday communication, it is easy to fall into patterns of judgment, criticism, or interpretation, such as saying, “You never listen to me” or “She’s so selfish.” These statements reflect evaluations rather than observations, and they often lead to defensiveness and conflict. NVC teaches us to replace these patterns with a focus on what is actually happening (observations), how we feel about it (feelings), what we need (needs), and what we would like to request (requests) from others in response.

Rosenberg emphasized that for communication to be truly nonviolent, it must stem from a place of compassion. This does not mean suppressing our emotions or avoiding difficult conversations; rather, it involves engaging in these conversations with a mindset that seeks connection and understanding rather than control or coercion. By focusing on empathy and the universal needs that all people share, NVC provides a framework for communication that can lead to mutual understanding and cooperative problem-solving.

The Four Components of NVC

At the heart of NVC are four key components that guide both the expression of our own needs and the understanding of others’ needs. These components are: